Simple And Funny Observations of Everyday Life

Another Candle on the Cake

candle-2

As temperatures begin to cool, the days get shorter, and the leaves on the trees, start to show their fall colors; I’m reminded that another long year has passed. It’s also, almost time for visits from good friends, the unwrapping of dozens of gifts, congratulations on somehow surviving another year, and the inevitable birthday cake; decorated with one more bright, glowing candle than the previous year. My wife for some reason loves candles. I mean, she really – loves candles. I don’t know if it’s a woman thing, but she takes great pleasure in placing dozens of candles on top of cakes that get bigger, and bigger each year. My wife will shop at Sam’s Club for candles in bulk, and then meticulously, and lovingly place each reminder of my swiftly passing years; gently atop a cake so large that the baker, after finishing the enormous masterpiece, needs to take a much-needed vacation.

Is there really a need for all those candles? A simple cake emblazoned with, “Happy Birthday, You Old Fart,” would suffice. I’ve always wondered why it’s so funny to remind men that the years are swiftly piling up, but place the number of candles on a woman’s cake, corresponding to her exact age, and the humor gets lost somewhere under the icing. You know the years are weighing on you, when your spouse uses a hand-held propane tank with a torch, to light the candles on your birthday cake. I can only imagine that with all the improvements in medical technology, along with increased lifespans, that I might someday be faced with a football field-sized cake, a professional fire-eater to set the confectionary treat into a towering inferno, a local fire department on hand, and two hundred laughing grandchildren and great-grandchildren, eagerly waiting to help extinguish the massive, blazing display. Oh, yeah; I almost forgot. I’ll need two or three spare oxygen tanks, a dozen kids with healthy lungs, and an ambulance on standby, with highly skilled paramedics.

I’m really not that old. I just sometimes feel like it. I’ve reached the point in my life, where I can still blow out all the candles in one breath, but this past year, afterward, I had to sneak out to my deck, to suck in a couple deep breaths of precious, life-giving oxygen. Maybe this year, I’ll get my truck, hit every store within fifty miles, buy up all the candles, and hide the cases in the garage. What do you think? I don’t know why that one, tiny, virtually invisible, extra candle, bothers me so much. There’s getting to be so many that I can’t really tell the difference from year to year. Maybe, I’m bothered because I’m starting to feel my age a little bit. When I was young, and before those candles started accumulating, I at least had some idea why I was sore, tired and achy when I got out of bed in the morning. I’d wake up looking like death warmed over, and my roommate would say, “Man, you look bad. Are you okay? Did you do something to yourself yesterday?” I’d think for a minute, and then say something like, “Let’s see; in the morning I ran the Boston Marathon. Then in the afternoon I helped my dad put on a new roof. I did slip and tumble twenty feet off the side of the house, but a big picker bush broke my fall. After that it was pretty routine. I went clubbing until four in the morning, and got into a vicious bar fight with ten tough bikers. I don’t know what’s wrong. I shouldn’t feel this bad.”

I always wondered where the tradition of placing a candle on a birthday cake originated. Some scholars have speculated that it started in the mid-18th century in Germany. The tradition of making a wish before blowing out the candles, also started at this time. It is believed that a person’s wishes, will only come true, if they keep them secret, and if all the candles are blown out with one breath of air. Do you know, in all my years of blowing out the candles on my birthday cake, that none of my wishes have ever come true?

So, I guess it really doesn’t matter if I say, “Honey, I know you have a million-dollar life insurance policy on me, but I wish you would stop adding candles to my cake. I’ll meet my maker when I’m good and ready. Hey, Uncle Phil. I’m a grown man for Heaven’s sake, and you’re eighty-two. I wish you would refrain from giving me noogys. Aunt Edna; I wish you would stop writing me those five-dollar checks each year for my birthday. Instead, why don’t you invest the money in a good mustache trimmer? Tony, I know you’re my sister’s son, and I love you like a son, but you’ve been living in my basement for three years. I wish you would move out – tomorrow!” Whew, I’m glad I got all that off my chest. My wishes may not come true, but I do feel a lot better.

I have a few questions about the tradition of blowing out candles on your birthday cake. Have any of you, ever watched someone blow out birthday candles, and enormous quantities of some type of bodily fluid sprayed all over the surface of the cake? Did the person celebrating a birthday, have a cold, the flu, hepatitis, or possibly the bubonic plague? How many of you, when asked if you wanted a slice, said, “no thank you, I’m on a diet?” Did any of you ever buy a second cake as a back-up, and give the first one to the kids, and the dog? How come when you somehow manage to blow out all the candles, everyone cheers? Are they happy to celebrate your special day, or are they amazed you somehow survived blowing out dozens of candles? Have any of you ever placed those fake candles that can’t be extinguished, on the cake of a man, well past his prime? Did he pass out after five or ten minutes? Was it still hilarious? How come a kid with lungs comparable to those of an elephant, needs to blow out a maximum of a dozen tiny candles, but a man with the capacity of a mouse is faced with a veritable bonfire of smoking pyrotechnics?

I think this year, I’m going to ask my wife and friends to start some new birthday traditions. How about a single, delicious chocolate cupcake, with one lit candle? While I’m at it, how about everyone stop giving me sweaters, hats, nose-hair clippers, and those silly pink or light blue snuggies. I have to admit though. Those things are soooo……… comfy and warm. I better get going and see what my wife is up to. She’s been up all-night baking, and something smells delicious. “Honeeeey………… Why are there dozens of chocolate cupcakes sitting on the dining room table? Are those cases of candles?”

8 Replies to “Another Candle on the Cake”

  1. Happy Birthday Patrick, and your mind is as sharp as ever, like that idea of buying up all the cases of candles from the local shops is a superb brainstorm. Hiding them in you now “empty” garage, and then after your birthday you could have one of those garage sales and sell off all the cases of candles, there’s bound to be a local shortage of candles, you can up the the price, and have a fire sale !!, make an absolute killing …… Anyhow, have a good birthday week an enjoy, …

    Like

    1. Thank you Ivor. I like your idea. I hadn’t thought of it. Imagine all the sad little children without candles on their cake, and the parents who would do anything, or spend anything to make their wishes come true. I’ll kill two birds with one stone. Get the candles off my own cake, and become a candle millionaire.

      Like

  2. I think at the age of 10 , we stopped with birthday candles on the cakes. We always had a candle on the table but not the number of the age. More embarrassing is when you send a birthday card with the age on it and get it wrong. I sent once my mum a 60th birthday card, unfortunately it was her 59th Birthday. Oops, I said she should keep it for next year! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s

The Voice of Peace

Be the peace you are looking for

Gareth Roberts

Unorthodox Marketing & Strategy Blog

Making Time For Me

Just Use Oil and Water

Indies Unlimited

Celebrating Independent Authors

Let Me Tell You the Story of...

A writing blog by H.R.R. Gorman

THE SPECTACLED BEAN

Tales, Thoughts + Tribulations of a Free Spirit in Suburbia

sandsoftime10

A peek into Megha's mind

Its good to be crazy Sometimes

A view from the inside of going through the minefield of the British benefit system if you are disabled and the ups and downs of coping with mental illness

Jennie Reads

I read them all so you can read the best!

Bobo's Book Bank

Heroes and Happily Ever Afters

A Qoder Blog 👨🏻‍💻

Gotta Read & Write 'Em All !!!

Reading Rachel

Official website of Rachel Tey, author of Tea in Pajamas

Meet the Bloggers

a collection of interviews and daily word prompts

Rusty's Reading

A place to spotlight books and authors

Dani's Book Review Blog

Indie Book Blogger

Delphine's Babble on Some Good Reads

A Sleepy Conscious, Endlessly Wandering, Reading and Writing

Hot Shot Headlines

Fiery topics and scorching original work

Being Lydia!

A Life Rich in Faith, Bipolar, Chronic Pain, Creativity & Purple!

Lattes and Literature

Tales of a Voracious Reader

Calvin & Bloggie

the funny right under your nose

Michael Seidel, writer

Science fiction, fantasy, mystery and what-not

50 By 60

One woman's efforts to lose a bunch of weight before hitting 60

Restawyle

Rest, Relax and Enjoy

TwinMirrors

Look into our mirrors...You will see the most amazing things...

Wilt's Cartoon Triage

Applying Band-Aid Solutions to the World's Gaping Wounds

BarclayHenderson.com

I've had many strange & humorous encounters of people, places and ideas.

Chasing Unicorns

Trying to get rich and famous by chasing unicorns

GraceLessLand

No Adjustment Of The Internet Is Necessary

Like Dharma and Greg

If you can laugh, you WILL make it.

The Uncensored Writer

Writing Advice, Editing, Coaching.

The Bibliofile

Book Reviews, Books, Bestsellers, Literary Fiction

estherchiltonblog

Esther Chilton - Writer and Tutor

Early Bookish Birds

l live between those lines..

Myricopia

Exploring the Past to Improve the Future

Pun and Games

Featuring visual wordplay of all types by Gary Martin.

Sunshiny SA Site

Kavita Ramlal, Proudly South African

Township Rebel

When ignorance reigns, life is lost

International Liberty

Restraining Government in America and Around the World

Bob Mac's Blog

A place to post humor, thoughts & inspiration

crlives

A Journey Through Dementia at 48

Tales From the Fourth Dementia

Award-winning author Larry Day takes readers on a visit to the fictitious towns of La Mancha and Letongaloosa. In Day Dreaming: Tales from the Fourth Dementia, Day introduces the towns’ fascinating characters in a collection of short stories

Christine's Collection

My streams of thought meet here

Spoonie Writer/ Spoonie Blogger

Spoonfuls of Tips, Hacks, Tricks, and personal experiences for Spoonies.

Dovahkiin

Dovah Ko Aan Ahlek

[Faith]fully Living

A place to consider.

%d bloggers like this: