A Little Space…..Please!

Things That Bother Me-Intrusions Into My Personal Space

Is it just me, or is the concept of “Personal Space,” disappearing from modern society? I read that personal space, is defined as the region surrounding a person, which they regard as psychologically theirs. It is an invisible bubble that forms an imaginary barrier, that if crossed, will induce feelings of discomfort, anger, or anxiety. It may even bring about defensive body language, such as: crossed arms, a frown, reduced eye contact, and often a downward gaze. That’s interesting. The exact same thing happens to me, whenever my mother-in-law is in my face, and dressing me down for something. I know she’s messing with my personal space. I just don’t have the courage to confront her.

Recent scientific analysis, and multiple research studies have determined that for Western societies, there is a definitive and measurable area that people consider their personal space. Estimated averages show it being 24” on either side, 28” in the front, and 16” in the rear. I don’t know about you, and I’m certainly not a prude, but if it’s a guy behind me; that sixteen inches, doesn’t seem to leave much room for error. At least the next time my wife is cold, it’s 3:00 am, and she wants to snuggle; I’ll have to pull out the old tape measure and say, “Sorry honey, but you need to back off three or four inches. A guy needs his personal space.”

I think part of the problem with the breakdown of societal barriers involving personal space, is that there are just too many people. This is especially true in urban environments. Wherever we go, we seem to either be waiting in long lines, or packed into enclosed spaces like waiting rooms, buses, subways and elevators. Another factor in the invasion of our personal space is that too many people are impatient. I was in my local supermarket yesterday, and was placing my groceries on the conveyor, when the person behind me pushed their cart up against me as if to gently, but steadily force me forward. We’ve all had this happen to us. I’ll usually say something like, “Excuse me, but unless you want me to run over that ninety year-old woman digging in her change person, and leave cart marks on her back – I’m not going anywhere.”  I’ll then force their cart back a foot or two with my formidable bulk. Yesterday, the person behind me, just wouldn’t let up, and the cart kept bumping into the back of my legs. I finally had enough of the rudeness, glanced back with a disapproving scowl, and said, “Sister, I know you’re probably late for morning prayers, but come on; could you please back off a little?”

I learned some other interesting things while delving into the fascinating subject of personal space. The imaginary bubble we protect our sensibilities with, involves not only physical intrusions, but ones involving sound, or things such as smoke, powerful, pungent cologne or perfumes, and excessive body odor. Have you ever been in a crowded space, and been surrounded by a man with a big cigar, a woman whose three-year-old had accidentally dumped a quart of her new perfume on her, and a guy who had run out of deodorant, and figured baby wipes could do the job? Not a pleasant ride on crowded mass transit, is it? Plus, you have to keep pulling out that darn tape measure, turning to the man behind you, and saying, “Woa dude. I’m reading a little under fourteen inches here, and if you don’t back off, this can of mace, may invade your own personal space.”

I don’t know about you, but I’m particularly aggravated by extremely personal conversations entering the Patrick Dykie, “personal space zone.” There’s nothing worse than being in a room with a person having a public, often embarrassing, and almost physically painful, cell phone conversation. If this ever happened to you, didn’t you want to say, “Excuse me, but I can heeeeaaarrr…… you – and I’m taking detailed notes. I already know your name, address, phone number, the fact you have new, expensive diamond earrings, and that you’ll be alone tonight. I also learned, you don’t have a dog, and your husband just ran off with his secretary. If it’s no trouble, why don’t you just toss over your house keys, now. I can burglarize your residence this afternoon, and save us both, an awkward, and frightening encounter this evening around midnight.”

I once sat close to a woman, who pulled out her cell phone, and in a voice loud enough to rattle nearby windows, proceeded to rant about some man, who was an incredible loser. She also said he was overweight, in a dead-end job, a lousy lover, wanted to be a writer, but his work stank, and he had a freakishly large, and hideous boil on his left butt cheek. I started to feel really bad for the poor guy. That was before I realized my wife was talking about me! Thank God, I had an appointment with my proctologist that afternoon, and managed to sneak out without being noticed.

It must be tougher for women to maintain their own personal space. I’m a big man, but if an elevator door opens to a sea of sweaty faces; I’ll step back, say, “what the heck,” and take the stairs. Ladies, have you ever had elevator doors open to thirty men in business suits? Were they packed into a ten by eight-foot space like sardines? Were some of the guys smiling, and saying, “Come on in. There’s plenty of room here in the back?” When riding in a crowded elevator, I shouldn’t have to start making and enforcing rules, in order to get a pleasant, and conflict-free ride. “Okay everybody. Men to the back of the car, and keep those hands tightly folded over your stomach’s. Ladies, could you please move as close to the front as possible. Father, if you don’t mind, could you place yourself between the men and women. Be sure to keep that heavy Bible handy. You may need it. And…… you! Yes, you in the back with the trench coat, and the hairy calves and ankles. Out – Now!”

Subway trains, or transit buses are often worse for women than riding elevators . If you’ve ridden one, you may have witnessed two things. First, you’ll see that most of the women are standing, because healthy young men won’t give up their seats. The second thing is, the standing women are usually surrounded by tightly packed groups of middle aged-men. You may have also noticed that over the past ten years or so, there’s been a drastic increase in the number of fit, confident, and extremely skilled women when it comes to self-defense. Personally, I’ve seen an explosion of women who have earned advanced belts in karate, and other martial arts, have taken up, and become extremely proficient in kick-boxing,  and have successfully entered the tough and dangerous world of mixed martial arts. If you think about this phenomena, it makes perfect sense They sometimes, have to be incredible fighting machines – just to get home safely from work!

Before I go, I have a little confession to make. I think I may be a hypocrite. I firmly believe in the concept of personal space, and will often, vigorously and aggressively defend it, but I don’t always mind when the fairer sex invades it just a little. At times, I will allow women to freely enter my personal space; gently, kindly, with the greatest respect, and with no repercussions. I will always acknowledge the existence of their space, and keep a respectable distance. However, you will never hear me say, “Why in the world are these ladies with lovely smiles, engaging personalities, and intoxicating perfumes, invading my personal space?” Do you think this makes me a bad person?

About Patrick Dykie

I'm a simple, middle class family man, living a quiet life in eastern Pennsylvania. As you can see from my picture, I just became a first-time grandfather. I love to write, not only to make people laugh, but also to make them think, and ponder their life and existence. I was trying to be a full-time writer, but have recently returned to work to fend off those pesky bill collectors. I've faced some things over the past few years, including health problems that have slowed me down in my dreams, but I'm back, healthy, and writing again. I will be self-publishing a book titled, "Simple Observations," in the next few months. It is similar to my blog , except the stories are a bit longer. I'll keep you updated on its status. I've recently started a new blog called, "A Love of Writing." You can access it from my "Simple Observations of Everyday Life" blog, along with my "Authors Site." Thank you for visiting my sites. It's greatly appreciated. I hope you enjoy your visit.
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33 Responses to A Little Space…..Please!

  1. joliesattic says:

    I require at least an arms length minimum, unless it involves love making. I hate crowds and parties in general. I’ve gone to a few networking events that were so packed, you can’t help but be in your neighbors face or if you’re short like me, nearer to a tall person’s pits or boobs. Especially when they’re held in popular hang outs where it’s most unavoidable. Could that be why I hate crowds?

    Like

    • Thanks for the comment, and for returning to view some more of my writing. I appreciate it. Yes it could. Welcome to the club. I guess, it depends on the familiarity of the people who are close to you. I hate the sweaty masses of humanity – unless, as I wrote, it is members of the fairer sex.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. macjam47 says:

    I love your humor in your rant. My pet peeve is when a person literally gets too close to my face after having garlic for lunch.

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    • Thank you for visiting, following my blog, and leaving a nice compliment. It is greatly appreciated. I’m glad you liked the story. I’ve also faced the dreaded close talker, with less than pleasant breath. Thanks again, and take care.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. There seems to be some kind of growing trend among people who feel the need to not only put phone conversations on speaker, but have it turned up loud enough for everyone within half a mile to hear BOTH sides of the insidious conversation whether they want to or not. If you don’t want to put the phone up to your ear, then put it away!!!!!!!

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  4. Angie says:

    I’ve always been grateful that I didn’t panic easily in tight spaces (particularly those created by people cramming together), but I hate it just the same. The personal space issue is exactly why I find the idea of moving even further into the country so very appealing.
    Great post! You had me smiling (and also groaning) in a couple places!

    Like

  5. dgkaye says:

    Wonderful post, covering a lot of what we absorb but don’t often voice out loud. 🙂 The cellphone public chat annoys me most. 🙂

    Like

  6. nrhatch says:

    I need my space . . . but it’s a smaller circumference when toddlers and puppies are present. They can invade it all they want!

    Like

  7. Reblogged this on Smorgasbord – Variety is the spice of life and commented:
    I have just added another world to my Saturday morning reblogs.. The world of Patrick Dykie – today a discourse on the subject of personal space ( apparently has official measurements), and the various places we might find that personal space invaded.. Like supermarket queues, elevators and on the subway. I found it almost unbearable in London on our last visit for a weekend. People were everywhere and definitely up close and personal. I used to love that when I lived and worked in the city… but we have got used to rural isolation over the last 18 years or so and I had not realised what a stressful experience it can be day in and day out. So how about you? What do you feel about being up close and personal with your fellow man or woman.. I am sure Patrick would love to know.. but don’t get within 14 inches.. unless you are female.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. ivors20 says:

    Yes we all need our personal space, up here in Australia, it’s not such a great problem, we’ve got plenty of space, except there’s more kangaroo’s than human’s, and there doesn’t seem to be much research into how much “personal space” a kangaroo requires, maybe down there in America, your google’s might be able to help me out.

    Like

  9. colonialist says:

    Ah yes. Personal space. Those who invade mine find that I have lots of sharp bony bits that somehow stray into soft spots until they back up. Shopping cart thrusting, overloud personal yapping into little boxes, overpowering over-ponging — oh, yes, you have it all down perfectly.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Garfield Hug says:

    Hahaha!! Loved the post so much that it made me think of how true it was. Personal space is much limited and if one listens hard…we can overhear alot. I am uncomfortable being too close to anymore….I must have enough circulation space to feel comfortable too. I fully understand how you feel. A great piece! Thanks😃

    Like

    • Thank you for the compliment. I know you have great transportation systems, but is it crowded in Singapore?

      Like

      • Garfield Hug says:

        We do have good rail or we call MRT system and our govt is busy tunnelling beneath roads to build more stations as land is scarce. We have a population of 5 million. It gets crowded in good food areas but generally sqooshed in peak hour travel but after that all is good. It is relative in that compared to HK or NY we are not that crowded. But if compared to say Oregon or Arizona then erm we are crowded. I avoid crowds by going for off peak travel times and or eating at hours outside lunch crowd. I enjoy countryside and feel it can be crowded.☺

        Like

  11. Lovely. I really crave and need my personal space. A great topic. And so well written.

    Like

  12. utesmile says:

    Great post and it reminds me of going by London underground 🚇, squashed like sardines, at rush-hour. Having my nose right at a sweaty man’s armpit. The joys of travelling…..if the person I am pushed into was only George Clooney, I happily give him my personal space. 🤣

    Liked by 1 person

  13. superwifeandmummy says:

    Eeeeeeexcelent post,Patrick. I Hulk out when my personal space is invaded. I think these smart phone peeps need to work on a Personal Force Field next, instead of,I don’t know, curvy screens and whatnot. It would solve a lot of probs 😉

    Like

  14. A great post, Patrick. I remember when I went to South Korea how the lack of personal space bothered me during my visit. I am very blonde and everyone, man, woman and child, wanted to reach out and touch my hair!

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    • Thank you. I read that non-western societies have a higher tolerance for a lack of personal space. That had to have been a strange situation. On the bright side, you could be a star in South Korea.

      Like

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