I got up early this morning, tried to figure out my wife’s new smart phone, and realized something. I just moved one step down on the intelligence scale at the Dykie household. My wife is a nurse practitioner, my youngest son, just applied to medical school, and my eldest is highly successful in the business world – so, we obviously know, I’m far below them when it comes to measuring brain capacity. The rest of us: me, my two cats, Molly and Harper, and my dog, Chase, are stacked at the bottom, just above the fish in my pond. I’ve already accepted the fact that my cats are smarter than me. Chase and I are close, but I did get a formal education. To be fair, he used my Pay Pal account to purchase the amazing Rosetta Stone learning system, and has been studying a lot lately. Now, our delicately balanced system is in disarray with the addition of the latest in a technologically advanced, mobile computer and communication system.
Almost everyone has smart phones these days; especially teenagers, and young adults. I have a question. Are kids getting smarter these days, or am I getting dumber? No, don’t answer that – we both know the answer. It’s almost crazy if you think about the fact, that a thin device that fits in the palm of your hand can: send and receive voice or video calls, create and receive text messages, provide personal digital assistants, help you navigate via GPS, allow you to play video games, contains a digital and video camera, provides internet access, and can store thousands of Apps. To be honest – I’m lucky if I can reset the clock on my microwave!
I have something else, I’ve been wondering about. Many kids these days have no concept of time, money, and personal responsibility. They often, due to raging hormones, appear to lack any common sense. Heck, some of them can’t make their own bed, and would likely starve, if the refrigerator wasn’t full, or the microwave broke down. But, if you hand them a smart phone; within twenty seconds, they’re converting euros into dollars, sending and receiving texts and pictures, translating English into 164 different languages, effortlessly navigating through mid-town Manhattan during rush hour, and instantaneously communicating with a Mongolian yak farmer, half way around the world.
My wife, is absolutely amazing when it comes to the use of a smart phone. When I was in high school, I took a typing class. To this day, I struggle to bang out 18 words a minute, using two hands, ten fingers, and even my nose, if needed. My wife, on the other hand, can text up to seventy or eighty words a minute – with one finger! How about this amazing fact involving my wife and her smart phone? She can take a highly embarrassing picture of me doing something stupid, or in a compromising position, post it to her Facebook page, and guess what? Within 38 seconds, she’s already receiving likes, and replies from friends who say they laughed so hard, they peed their pants. Within five minutes, Vladimir Putin is in such a good mood after viewing my picture, he decides to stop building nuclear weapons, and orders the withdraw of all troops from Syria. Even the Palestinians and Israelis are discussing Mideast peace, as they share hilarious pictures of me, via smart phones. At least one good thing has come from all of this. I may not be very smart, but I might just be the engine for world peace and universal harmony.
Before I go; I should tell you that I may have slipped, just a little bit further down the intelligence ladder. I was just out at my fish pond. It seems the goldfish are building a hydroelectric plant. They say, their ultimate goal is to generate enough electricity to begin the manufacture of smart phones here in America.
“Okay, Chase. I guess it’s just you a me, boy. How about we play a game of chess?”
“Woof, woof, woof, woooooof.”
“Okay, okay. I know you’ve beaten me thirty-seven straight times – but you have to admit I’m getting better.”